Livin' Large in Angra dos Reis & Ilha Grande

 In January, the delightful unit known as my parents came down to Brazil for a visit.  My father has a business associate who also happens to be of high caliber character and he (and his splendid, culinarily gifted wife) invited the lot of us to stay for a weekend at their most phenomenal waterside home.  Every evening we were treated to some good ol' home cooking that gave us a proper view of some typical dishes that had underwhelmed us in restaurants but gave our taste buds a sensual massage once prepared by a skilled foodsmith.

During the days, the boat in Paulo's possession was  piloted by a skilled navigator who brought the gaggle of awe-struck Canadians around different points of Angra dos Reis & Ilha Grande.  Swimming, oysters, beaches, waterfalls, beer and all that good stuff.  The last clip is of the very rainy drive back to Rio.

Thanks to Baden Powell for the song Petite Waltz from the album É de Lei as it accompanies the video.  I don't own the rights to the song, but I did pay for the album and hope nobody from record labels minds me spreading the work of a dead Brazilian music hero.

The Discreet Charm of the Bidet

                In Brazil, as with numerous countries, one is well advised to ensure no toilet paper mingles with biological business in the bowl before flushing.  Legends tell of those who have tried and experienced nothing but tragedy.  Instead, you must learn to embrace the bidets and mangueiras (which can mean both 'hose' or 'mango tree') found to the side of any half decent throne in the country.  Bathrooms bereft of spraying apparatuses lead to the garbage bins of your worst nightmare.


               As a 9-year old youngster, I discovered the bidet in the lavatory at my grandparents' place of lodging.  Curiosity led to an experiment with this novel device, and the ensuing high-pressure aqueous tingle gave me the sensation I had done something morally incorrect.  It also dawned on me that I had just sprayed myself with the same thing that cleansed the nether regions of my grandparents.   From that point on, I didn't stray from the conventional wiping method until traveling to Asia with my lovely chum, Rebecca, more than a decade later.

                    James & Guthrie the Bidet, Iguazu Falls 2011
            
                It is only now, as a man of 30, that I realize these devices are truly phenomenal.  I do prefer the hose over the bidet as you don't have to move from the toilet and one can control the aim with greater precision.  A roll of toilet paper also lasts 2-3 times longer given that you only really need it to do a quick dry.  We must have saved 30 reais on toilet paper over the last 5 months.  

                But wait!  We go back to Canada in a month to a land where the toilets and sewer system are capable of handling waste paper.  How can I go back to the barbaric methods utilized for post-defecation  clean up after becoming so enamoured with the customs in dear Brazil?  And with how much one must spend on toilet paper in the "developed" world, how are we to save enough money for the installation of a spraying device?  Please leave comments if you have any ideas about that issue.
          

watch this cat fumble with the toilet paper.  What a waste!  With a bidet, it could've been avoided.

Photographic Nibbles of Ordem e Progresso

A man-made vessel of flight just brought us back to Rio from Recife.  Once the sun has risen tomorrow morning, we will be on a similar vessel to Florianopolis, then by ground vehicles to Iguazu Falls & Buenos Aires.  In the last number of weeks we have spent more than 50 hours on buses and 7 or 8 on airplanes....less tiring than anticipated due to quality company, enough good music to last a million bus rides and those inflatable pillows in the shape of a 'C' or 'U' depending which way you turn it.

The visual, auditory, tactile, olfactory & taste systems of the body have all been thoroughly stimulated in this time and our forefingers are in extremely good shape due to the billions of times they triggered the camera.  At some juncture we'll sift through the river of pixels to pan out the gold, but for now we present just singular nuggets from each location we visited.

Click the photos or open them in a new tab to make them big and snazzy.  Zoom in on the map above to get a better idea of the route.

1. Vila Madalena - Sao Paulo - Sao Paulo

Jasmine surrounded by the most grand display of graffiti we've ever seen.  We really thought Rio was the center of urban wall art in Brazil, but nothing compares to what we encountered in Sao Paulo.  Being there reminded me of the feeling I got from certain substances I haven't put in my body since university.

2.  Ouro Preto - Minas Gerais

Pretty far from Sao Paulo, but not THAT far from Rio or Belo Horizonte, Ouro Preto is simply gosh darn spectacular.  The heaps of beautifully atypical churches perched up on hills, the immaculately kept

historic center and the lack of hobos trying to kill you are some of the many reasons to visit here if you get down to Brazil.

3.  Brasilia

Jasmine deemed Brasilia essential as a part of her architectural education.  I thought it would be lame.  The 12 hour bus ride through beautiful nothingness gave us an idea of how out of the way it really is.  Turns out that it's a surreal and impressive city with plenty to keep you overstimulated for at least 2 days.

The presidential home has emus as guards....

4. Alto Paraiso - Goias

Even further out into nowhere, Alto Paraiso is a great way to understand the geography of the interior of Brazil.  It is also a haven for atypical spiritual groups that are fascinating, perplexing and 'unknown adjective x'.  It is also the only place where we felt our security compromised.

5. Salvador - Bahia

Been excited to set foot in Salvador for years, ever since realizing some of the best music on Earth comes from here.  While looking out of our apartment window, we did witness a Canadian lose his backpack to the hands of a local thief, but he was acting like a racist ass....so our pity was minimal.  Need more time here in the future.

6. Cachoeira - Bahia

Instead of going to beaches, we took a bus 2.5 hours inland to the small town of Cachoeira.  Quite pretty by itself, but the highlight was a boat tour we took down the river to a small village, the name of which I forget.  Our guide got us on the drink wagon at 8:45am and we had numerous hours to soak in a bit more of what Bahia contains.

7. Olinda & Recife - Pernambuco

Olinda is a charming nook full of life, pleasantry and debauchery.  Recife is ugly, stinky & poor...but somehow we still found it highly enjoyable.  The culture is strong here and the people are perhaps more open to different styles of music than anywhere in the country.  Again, we only had a tiny taste and don't really know a damn thing.

A Night of Cambomble in Salvador, Bahia

Well gents,we are here in Salvador,Bahia, staying in a sweet and very cheap apartment in the heart of Pelhourino, taking about a thousand photos a day, and melting in the heat of this hot hot sun!
We have already been to Sao Paolo, then Ouro Preto in Mina Gerais (an beautiful old colonial gold mining town), then Brasilia (purely for Architectural Observation purposes), then a little town 2 hours north called Alto Paraiso which James did his previous post on.
Salvador has been treating us very well, we have been loading spice on every single meal and snack (except for in the fresh juices of course!) It is crazy tourist season right now, both foreigners and other Brazilians, but nonetheless we have been enjoying this town immensely.
Here is where Brazil´s most famous and flavourful cuisine originates- lots of spice and seafood and coconut milk and such, delicious! Also, things like Capoeira, and Baianas (Bahian ladies in traditional dress selling typical Bahian fare and trinkets on the street). And of course, where a lot of Candomble - an Afro-Brazilian religion that incorporates practices and traditions of Christianity, Native Indian, and African elements combined - thrives. We signed up to see a ceremony - unfortunately it was with 15 other foreigners which sucked, but nonetheless it was super interesting. We were not allowed to take pictures or video,so I have attached the following video so you have an idea of what we were seeing.



Both James and I loved it -people going into trances, dancing, the hypnotic rhythms of drums, some cigar-smoking by the entranced, some yipping and singing - muito legal! It is not for everyone though.
Anyways, one more day until we head out, perhaps south or north of here, and then to Recife in Pernambuco.
Anyways, love to you all, and stay tuned for another episode of SAMBA LIKE IT HOT!!!!

-Jazz ´n´ James

The High Paradise of Alta Paraiso de Goias

Salutations most beloved humans,

Time is short, our rumps are required on the back of a motorcycle to transport us through these arid, tropical highlands of central Brasil to some kind of lovely waterfall.  We are now at a wee cafe that serves Internet in Alta Paraiso de Goias, 250km outside of Brasilia (a lot weirder and cooler than we thought it would be), a haven for ecotourism and the center of atypical spiritual groups in Brasil.

The last while has consisted of numerous lengthy lengthy bus rides to get us from Rio to Sao Paulo to Ouro Preto to Brasilia and to our current location.  We are having a small crisis in that the hard drive containing all of our photos from the trip has decided to transform from alive to dead....hopefully we can find a techno-schaman upon our return to bring it back (or atleast the files)... so you´ll have to settle for videos of where we are scrounged up from ze Youtube.



The second video has that popular Moby track from a number of years ago....if it doesn´t tickle you correctly or it rubs your fur in the opposite direction of how you like it, just turn down the sound and activate a tune of your choosing from iTunes...that´s what I did.

Hot Primate Injection

It is 6:43am and the bus station beckons.  We are groggy... forgive any errors of wit or syntax.

 For four months  Rio has been blessed with our hooves trotting about it's steep slopes and golden valleys, the Cariocas have come to trust us and every morning you can find them waiting out in the garden for us to pet them.  I think that means 1) Nobody has robbed us yet and 2) Our Portuguese no longer causes the spurting of blood & cerebral matter from the ears' of locals.  But yeah, we're going to the bus station now and we shan't be back for a number of weeks.  That's why you get two posts.

We will certainly plonk up some rambling and images on this marvelous bloog, but without the computers it will be tough to make the highly edited, professional video and audio to which you have grown accustomed.  But click below to get a hot primate injection.

The entrance to Tijuca National Park is a few hops away from our doorstep and it is there we go whenever we have a hankering to view primates, weird birds, big fruit, hefty lizards and an unending assortment of tropical foliage.

Knowing that there shan't be too many more opportunities to hang out in there, I wandered up with my chum, Nestor, last week and we were successfully able to interact with two species of monkey...including a type I hadn't seen yet.

This video begins at our home, moves to the middle of the forest and ends up at the Mirante Dona Marta.....a place that I believe is better than the Corcovado because
1) It's not so busy  
2) It costs nothing   
3) The view is wizzonkulous

Song:  Prelude - Hypnotic Brass Ensemble (Choice Cuts)
             buy it....the whole disc is amazing!




Take care, we're off to Sao Paulo, Ouro Preto, Brasilia, Salvador, Recife and more!

The Beast Beneath the Sheets

A month or so prior to the current moment, there was an incident involving a horrid creature as we were milliseconds away from being sucked into our pillows to be deposited in dreamland.  You are hearing about it now because over the weekend we found out what it was and the overall picture became thoroughly sinister.


*click*.  That's the sound of our lamp being switched off.  Peace reigns for a grand total of two minutes and thirty seven seconds until...*tickle tickle* That's the mobile sensation on my left leg beneath the brown sheets that are supposed to protect those who are under them.  The feeling occupies a fair bit of real estate down there, and suddenly the brain is fully awake.  It demands to know what is down there and implores the swift removal of whatever it happens to be.


The light goes back on, the sheets are ripped away, the heavy-eyed but lovely lady next to me enters the curiosity party.  The thing is red and it has a lot of legs..... it is 3 or more inches long and is now at the ankle, heading around the curve of the foot.  "What the hell is that thing??!" *kick kick* "T'isn't the tarantula or behemoth cockroach previously envisioned.  An unidentified jungle beast, it is flabbergasting and I know not how to react.  The wise thing would've been to reach for the camera and let it crawl all over me in order to get a successful Youtube video, but instead I flung my foot around like a maniac until it flew to the floor (the creature, not my foot), then I splattered it to a quivering paste with one of the Havaiana sandals near by.


After wiping up the goo with a tissue and stuffing it in the garbage, the next few hours were spent lying in the dark, wide awake, reenacting the scene and imagining that every single little cutaneous tingle was another one, even bigger, coming back to avenge it's brother/sister/cousin/child.  


Last weekend in Angra dos Reis with my splendid parents, the story was retold during a conversation on Brazilian critters.  Our gracious host, Paulo, was able to identify the bed invader as a LACRAIA....a Scolopendra (psycho centipede) that has a kind of venom which is used to paralyze it's prey.  It is not fatal to humans but can inflict serious pain, nausea, vomiting and fever....good times! (chunks of info also from my father's Blackberry)


Anyway, that's all.  It was on my leg but it is dead now.  There are some videos on Youtube, including one of a giant Lacraia killing a mouse.....go see for yourself as I refuse to taint the blog with it.

The Laranjeiras Session

It might have been mentioned, but we only had contact with one person in Rio before arriving.
A disc jockey and record collector of high caliber who was dubbed Marcello when he emerged from the womb already armed with a pair of headphones and an instinct for hunting the hidden audio gems of this world.


The very first weekend after we alighted on Carioca turf he appeared floating outside our window and said "Come forth, children, I bestow upon thee two free tickets to an afrobeat concert at Circo Voador".  Our acceptance of said tickets was immediate, and the concert brought us nought but a hearty serving of merriment.


The months have now rapidly slipped by, Marcello has had numerous parties at numerous venues where we got to feel important because our names were on the guest list.  In March we'll be returning to Toronto as the effort to find ourselves with an extended visa has gone unrewarded.  Knowing that we'd be traveling for the next several weeks and returning home after Carnaval, it was decided that Marcello and myself would take the elevator to his secret audio lair in LaranjeirasBri and spend a healthy number of hours tinkering with records and yammering about our visions on particular elements in the realm of audio.  The final product is now available for you to absorb through your ear canals.  Do NOT put it in your nose.

                                      The Laranjeiras Session (W/Marcello Mb Groove) by Mogpaws on Mixcloud

The Magic Place Between Years

It shall be tricky to articulate the happenings of New Year's Eve because the amount of stimulation applied directly to the brain resulted in our minds(& 2000000 others) being splattered all over Copacabana beach. One will likely be able to find traces of cerebral residue in the sand for the next couple of centuries.

The amount of money spent on the fireworks display alone would probably have been sufficient to rectify many of the city's poverty & infrastructure problems, but boy are we glad they chose twenty minutes of colourful explosions instead! Rio knows how to party on any day of the year, but New Year's Eve exists on some separate festive strata that left us weeping & dumbstruck.

This evening is full of traditions too:

1) WHITE CLOTHING AS A SYMBOL OF RENEWAL-(rain & waves make white clothes see-through, 70% fantastic, 30% terrible depending on who's underpants and nipples become visible)

2) THROW FLOWERS INTO OCEAN FOR CANDOMBLE GODS TO GRANT YOUR WISHES FOR THE NEW YEAR
-floracide ensures luck in the new year

3)SPECIFICALLY COLOURED UNDERGARMENTS FOR PASSION, WEALTH, LUCK... 

4) SWIMMING IN THE OCEAN / JUMPING OVER WAVES (James used this as a urinal just like 2 million other people, so I refrained from the ocean frolicking portion of the evening)

5)SWALLOWING GRAPES AND MAKING WISHES WITH EACH GULP!

our vantage point of the fireworks


It would be nice to tell you more about our specific NYE in Rio, but that would require writing by us & reading by you... but in short, you must experience this at least once in your life as it is truly an unforgettable night!

Witness the Christmas

            The temperature was 38 degrees Celsius in the Centro area of Rio de Janeiro just a few days ago. Summer has merely begun to warm up the massive oven called Brazil. What better time to go hunting for prezzies and the spirit of a holiday that thrives in the harsh winter conditions of more northern climes? This activity will be pursued after frolicking in the waves and drinking a good number of half-frozen cervejas on the beach over the next six hours.

            If you are here and writhing in desperation to see something related to Natal (Christmas in Portuguese), then simply wander over to any ol’ shopping center or department store.  In some of these places you can pretty much forget that you’re not at Yorkdale Mall or the Eaton Center.  However, do not buy electronics or clothing because your wallet will get a thorough milking.  Turn on the television. It won’t be long before you find a seasonal flick, a heart-warming show that involves Jesus, or someone in an elf costume encouraging everyone to make a purchase.  You may also head over to the Lagoa, Rio’s large lake, to marvel (half in awe, half in disgust) at the 85 meter, floating metallic Christmas tree.  It’s not really a tree, of course, but it does emit a lot of light and colour.

            Centro is a portion of the city that can instill a more genuine sensation of Christmas upon one’s soul.  When exiting Carioca metro station, there is sometimes a gentleman who wields a saxophone and honks out familiar carols with an admirable amount of proficiency.  His between-carol laughter and indecipherable commentary make the package complete.  A few blocks away, a mechanical Santa is perched high on a ledge above the hoards of humans bustling and sweating down below.  He rotates and waves happily enough, but if the real Santa decided to come here wearing that outfit, he would be lucky to continue living for more than thirty minutes.  Not too many steps away from the robotic Santa, an inflatable Rudolph stands on a mound of cotton inside a giant plastic sphere and looks to the next shop, which has undressed, fake pine trees out front.  In this place you can track down all the decorations, cards, presents and personalized wrapping you could possibly require.  It is a busy and lively spot that is made better by being able to haggle with the vendors to save a few reais.

           

             Around our home, in the upper parts of the Santa Teresa neighbourhood, it is also possible to identify significant evidence of Christmas.  Outside a small bar, a woman is demonstrating how an advent calendar functions to her chums and a car tootles by not long after that which contains an elderly gentleman pumping out an instrumental jazz version of Jingle Bells.  We also witness a plump lady with tight-fighting garments strolling around with the family dachshund.  This pooch is not bothered by either it’s red and green boots or it’s Santa hat. Looking to the distance behind the festive dog, you can view the favela (slum) of Prazeres and see that even in the poor, run down communities, Christmas lights attached to homes are a fairly common sight. 

              In short, as soon as you try to seek out Yule, you’ll walk right into it.  This country is heavily Catholic, and the people here have had a long time to figure out how to do Christmas when most of the population has never encountered snow.   In addition, It must be tremendously difficult to feel sorry for someone in Brazil during Canadian winter.  The woe of not having quality time with family or receiving presents can be dismantled by hiking through a rainforest to gorgeous waterfalls or gawking at the skimpy swimwear many humans wear to the beaches of paradise.